major hochstetter quotes major hochstetter quotes

Col. Wilhelm Klink: One of the radio detector units has picked up a wireless sending coded messages. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Major, this happens to be Tuesday. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I was not aware that it's my birthday. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [boys are polishing Klink's car] These boys polish the car every time I come to see you. Andrew Carter: Well, I'm still willing to try, Colonel. Sgt. Louis LeBeau: I will personally hold them spellbound with my repertoire of songs, dances and snappy patters. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Do you think I would ever let a Burkhalter marry a Klink? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Yeah, I could not believe it myself. Although I do appreciate your sense of humor. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Not long enough, Klink. In that case, I'd better check it myself. I warned you not to listen to me unless I tell you to. [while safecracking, the phone rings in Klink's office and Carter answers]. Col. Wilhelm Klink: The Ping-Pong tournament is canceled. Many are unaware that he was. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, General Burkhalter, what a pleasant surprise. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I consider it the perfect oversight. [Normal tone of voice] You make me feel terrible. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Burkhalter arrives] Ah, General Burkhalter it is so good to see you again. We had to lose him - he was bad luck. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [annoyed] Colonel Hogan, I'm very busy this morning - dispatches from Berlin. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, Schultz. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Sounds like a hotel room I once had in Cleveland. But, that's not the worst thing we did. Col. Robert E. Hogan: What kind of explosives have we got, Carter? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter You run such a perfect camp, Klink, you have no need for a cooler. We've got him. And Shut Up! Col. Wilhelm Klink: Did I say red dress? While being heartily congratulated by the painter, painter's daughter, LeBeau & Hogan Hogan asks] How'd you do that? Col. Wilhelm Klink: What's there to behold? Andrew Carter: Well, that's what Newkirk says it means. That's worthy of Himmler himself, major. Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: General Burkhalter, what are you doing here? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, then he is fat. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What they're using here i a variation on the old Fessenhoffer Cipher. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're the same bunch of guys that put him in business. WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? Louis LeBeau: I wasn't sure what that one meant myself. My dear Major, there is no danger of it firing Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Discover and share Hogans Heroes Colonel Klink Quotes. Release Dates Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Colonel Crittendon: Good? Hans Georg Schultz: Achtung! : Schultz: Col. Hogan if you ever escape Schultz: Be a good fellow and take me with you. Cpl. You can transfer to a frontline combat unit. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You read it to me, please, major. Sgt. But the major has a plan to cripple the entire Russian rocket program. Major Hochstetter, Herr General, in charge of security here, and you're all much too close to this rocket. Col. Robert E. Hogan: They know its safe. Andrew Carter: I think it's much safer to think of something else. Cpl. Werner Klemperer played Colonel Wilhelm Klink, the incompetent commandant of the camp, and John Banner played the bungling sergeant-of-the-guard, Sergeant Hans Schultz. : : : [walks over to a portrait of Hitler] He dares call himself Supreme Commander. You know that guy, Hitler, who wrote it? Sgt. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Your career is a delicate matter. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Well, it's in code. Kinch: Didn't you hear what Schultz said? "What happened to the Duke of York?" Col. Robert E. Hogan: For the liberation. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Birthday cake? Technical Specs, [repeated line, whenever Col. Hogans shows up], IMDb Poll Board's Favorite Christmas Song Performances, Who Is Do You Think Is The Most Funny Incompetent, Or Competent But Harried Boss. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Except, major, I quite clearly had no part in this whole affair. Well, it's obvious, Major. Official Sites I'm trying to save your *life*! [spying on the equipment guarded closely by German soldiers]. Cpl. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan, do you realize what General Burkhalter would say if he saw a chimpanzee working in the garden? Which wire, Colonel Klink? Do you allow this sort of thing? Colonel Crittendon: No need to worry, I have a photographic memory. Who is that woman? Uh, did you come on military business, or is this a social call? The Gestapo is taking over. You have chosen the most dangerous man in all of Germany as a witness. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Traitors, all of you. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Major Hochstetter, Herr General, in charge of security here, and you're all much too close to this rocket. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Major Hochstetter, Herr General, in charge of security here, and you're all much too close to this rocket. Col. Wilhelm Klink: The fat prosecutor, whoever that is. Hogan's Heroes is an American television sitcom set in a German prisoner of war (POW) camp during World War II. Quotes Field Marshall Rudolf Richter: You have more than one tunnel? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Let's make him unhappy - nasty unhappy. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Thank you. Colonel Klink: Of course, you want me to handle it with my usual Klink efficiency, General. Sgt. 9.61K subscribers Subscribe 64K views 2 years ago This is a compilation of all of the times Major Hochstetter ever said "Who is this man?" and "What is this man doing here". I don't know the answers to any of those questions, but I saw an episode the other day with a smoking hot frauline in it, who Hogan out-foxed and had arrested by Maj. Hochstetter. Sgt. General von Rauscher Major Hochstetter is a genius, Putzie. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Well, how do we get ahold of it? Back, back, all of you. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You will be shot. Cpl. Major Hochstetter: Kommandant Klink: a man who could have been great, except he wasn't very good. : One of us or one of them? I will crack this in not time at all. NOTHING IS WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DUKE OF YORK! That's what I would like to hear. Something like that. He has saved us all. You might as well have said Friday, for all I care. Major Hans Kuehn: Very interesting. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I'm not worried about your life. Carter: Don't we get a trial or anything? Scene with great timing between the three actors (Howard Caine, Werner Klemperer, and John Banner). Col. Robert E. Hogan: Please - not while I'm plotting. Louis LeBeau: Then why are they bringing it here? Except, Major, I quite clearly had no part in this whole affair. His most memorable phrase he said throughout the series was "What is this man doing here? [Klink in a casual tone starts reading to himself the captain's orders paper], Colonel Klink: "All ranks are ordered to extend complete cooperation, assist without question. Hans Georg Schultz: But don't let the commandant see the monkey. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Yes, that does it. Schultz, take him away. What is going on there? When the Allies march in the front gate, it'll go a lot easier for you if you're standing there with a bouquet of pansies. : Col. Wilhelm Klink: It was a great personal loss to me. Major Hochstetter a character not in the main cast was played by an American actor, as was French resistance leader Tiger. Hans Georg Schultz: Let me see. In it, we wer. Col. Robert E. Hogan Major Hochstetter Cpl. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Oh, Nimrod is a very brilliant man. Hogan, I Marya Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Schultz tells about his evening] Don't just stand there, Schultz. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan. [He gives Schultz a feather headdress], Sgt. Sgt. Did you hear me? That'll be great! We lost a man to give you what you asked for. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I will arrange it. Colonel Sitzer: [Klink has just been told he is to receive an award] You will be presented with an award and a national radio hookup. Colonel Feldkamp would have to be a Standartenfhrer. Hogan: OK, I will. Col. Robert E. Hogan: And I suppose, uh, she put her arms around you? Col. Wilhelm Klink: [hanging up the phone] General Burkhalter, I'm sorry to say your sister has been kidnapped. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You can kiss the bride. Hans Georg Schultz: [savoring the irony] All this beauty! I'm worried about spying. Col. Robert E. Hogan: 'Sugar candy' is code for something special. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, I'll arrange that. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: That phone call. Hans Georg Schultz: The joke is on them, Herr Kommandant. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Like all of us, the general has his good points as well as his faults. Quotes [] Major Wolfgang Hochstetter: "Colonel Hogan, that you were able to operate for so long is a tribute to the stupidity of your beloved Kommandant." Bloopers [] External links [] Sticky Wicket Newkirk at the Internet Movie Database; Sticky Wicket Newkirk episode capsule at Webstalag 13; The Hofbrau Hans Georg Schultz: You forgot pigs By the way who are we talking about? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I am sure it's not necessary to tell you what will happen to you should there be an escape, hmm? You have chosen the most dangerous man in all of Germany as a witness. I was not here! Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: I could use a few letters myself. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: In the first place my wife is neither delightful or charming. I'll call headquarters and have them send over a cryptologist. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Of course not. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I never said anything about Friday. Who's worried about firing? Sgt. The rest is detail. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Traitors, all of them. The Gestapo major demands Klink's cooperation, which Klink gives. : Hi there. You must be daft! What is this man doing here? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [after Newkirk and Carter have been caught escaping] They weren't really trying to escape. Col. Wilhelm Klink: All heads will roll, that's quite democratic. I'm a cryptologist. Of course you are. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I wouldn't do that, sir. The ultimate weapon didn't quite work out. Cpl. Traitors, all of you. Andrew Carter: Uh-huh, and sometimes little old men have big old guns. Peter Newkirk: All the way around? Ahmmm. Cpl. [Hogan pretends to have passed out from drinking]. What makes you think he's fat? Unquote. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: First suppose you tell me what you were doing there. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [on holiday at the ski lodge] Well, I'm here to forget all about the war for awhile. Sgt. : General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I assume you have set up a strong guard for the plane? Hans Georg Schultz: That's the only one I had. General von Rauscher: Are you aware that I am in charge of this project, and that this is the inventor? You may be able to solve it anyway. Peter Newkirk: [looking at the burnt money in his hand] It's the story of my life. You are ignorant! In the second place this isn't a social visit, its official. I'm sick and tired of fighting and bloodshed. | What if we find out what is is and if its important enough, we get London to bomb the camp? We're going to rebuild the bridge with a very special feature. Peter Newkirk: [as German adjutant] Transfer to the Russian front, sir, or court-martial to be shot? Who is this man and what is he doing here! Peter Newkirk: Andrew, the station master is a little old man. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Oh, no, no. The boys think I'm a hero. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [annoyed] Now tell me: was it Tuesday or was it Wednesday? Pleasant, no. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: [skims through a collection of maps and finds Pittsburgh] Pittsburgh? Goering is a fat rat fink. And I am operating UNDER DIRECT AUTHORITY OF THE GERMAN GENERAL STAFF. You only thought he was stupid. You didn't know behind that stern soldier, there is a a world traveler, a dreamer a lover! Till we meet again, Nimrod. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I wouldn't believe one word you said, Hogan. The idea of Klink being a British agent is ridiculous. Hans Georg Schultz: I got into the wrong conversation. [pause] So what if you haven't told me who you're calling yet? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [indignantly] That's to keep the tooth warm! Like coming home to mother's cottage. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You have one simple alternative, Commandant. [puts her arms around him, kisses him], Lady Leslie Chitterly: Come, Robert. He doesn't have a clue. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: It is about his defense counsel. Hans Georg Schultz: [after being told he does not have to transfer] You mean I do not have to go? Hochstetter: Why not? Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: LeBeau, my boy, I'm holding you in reserve. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Through our local travelers aid man, Colonel Klink. Time changes things, God changes things, the dictators change things, but writers can't change anything. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Witness? Not sufficient entertainment, perhaps. Baroness Lili von Schlichter: Colonel, I will be safe here? Officer: [approaches Hogan] Might I assist you? Col. Wilhelm Klink Col. Wilhelm Klink: I do. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [dismissive] He really knows how to hurt a guy. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Someone around here has to be. Cpl. Cpl. General: What is this, you are not Gestapo? It's of great military importance. Raus! Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh that's quite alright Herr General. That way we will get the full impact on public opinion. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I think I have an idea on how to explain the noise. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I don't know anything about the underground or sabotage. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [at the rehearsal of the wedding Hilda dressed as the bride] I do not recall giving permission to Fraulein Hilda to be part of this. : : Schultz: [Klink is in prison awaiting a possible execution] I have some good news and bad news. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Ja, I believe I have. Colonel Klink: Schultz, into the cooler they go. [no response] Achtung! We got our rights; we're as good as they are. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Maybe the Major didn't mean it when he said 'heads will roll.' Col. Robert E. Hogan: Oh, no, no. I've doubled the tower guards, the searchlights. Sgt. You live better than Goering and you're twice as big! Quotes.net. Be honest! Andrew Carter: And a 'Good morning' to you, too, Schultz. : How I could have been so fooled by Klink. Col. Wilhelm Klink: The highest authority? Just let us all know when it's time for Roll Call, will you? Here's my reward. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Ja. : Kissing prisoners is verboten! Hochstetter had several catchphrases, including (referring to Hogan) "Who is this man?" and "What is this man doing here?", and "I will surround this camp with a ring of steel." He would also shout "Baah!" as he leaves the room, when frustrated by the camp's incompetent commanding officer, Colonel Klink. Sgt. You gotta expect a few little explosions. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Yeah, that's right. Hans Georg Schultz: Don't ask me, this is a decision for an officer. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Not like you. He is best remembered for playing the role of German Gestapo Major 'Wolfgang Hochstetter' in the television comedy series, Hogan's Heroes (1967 to 1971). Col. Wilhelm Klink: Perfect! I've seen to it personally. You'd better brush up on your German, Schultz. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're still going to send me home, aren't you? Alright, alright. Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: It's the least you can do, considering. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Ja, Kommandant Klink, a man who could have been great, except he wasn't very good. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: It must be the underground. Anyone within a hundred yards of this rocket will be shot and reshot. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're right, the situation is hopeless, there's no solution, we're faced with an absolute impossibility. Sgt. Sgt. Sgt. Sgt. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Berlin is calling every minute. : : Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You have no prisoners in there. Mental fitness - that's another. Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [telling Klink what a good catch Burkhalter's sister is to marry] Gertrude is just the kind of woman you need. Cpl. You've already figured how to turn this to your advantage. Hogan: [the phone rings while Hogan's men are cracking a safe] Answer the phone, tell him it's the wrong number. : He is our witness. Hogan's Heroes was an American television situation comedy that ran from September 17, 1965 to July 4, 1971 on the CBS network for 168 episodes. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, I am. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Klink, a German officer has been insulted. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I want to register a complaint on behalf of my men. I sent her the kiss by mail? [Kisses Helga's hand]. Hans Georg Schultz: Could I think about that, Herr Commandant? Honestly, I could cry. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: How do you explain this, Klink? Dr. Hermann Felzer: [Klink has been chosen to lead a top secret assignment] You have been chosen for an assignment that involves the highest security project in the Third Reich. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Just because we're enemies is no reason we can't be friends. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Traitors, all of them. Cpl. I'm color-blind, you know. Major Hochstetter: WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? What is this bungler doing here? Actor: Judgment at Nuremberg. : We can't keep a prisoner! Schultz Mueller: This one looks stupid . Col. Wilhelm Klink: I intend to nail the prosecutor's fat hide to the wall. Everybody out, out, out, out, out, out, out! I never send for anybody, not even if I need them. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, some of the gang back at the stalag. All heads will roll, that's quite democratic. We had guys escape to Pittsburgh? Andrew Carter: [mockingly] Lot of work to do. Throw away the key. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, no. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Klink explaining the purchasing plan] I understand they're already beginning to call it the "Klink Plan". Cpl. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Warm milk? General von Rauscher: I AM IN CHARGE OF SECURITY- Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? Peter Newkirk: Oh, is that what it means? Lady Leslie Chitterly: Robert Robert Hogan! Sgt. . Col. Robert E. Hogan: Look, I got the idea of stealing it, right? I saved you some cake. Traitors, all of them. [Hands over papers with orders to Klink] Colonel Klink: Col. Robert E. Hogan: [watching the women eat at the tea party ] Guests are certainly enjoying themselves, sir. Marya Carter: Hello? Filled with fear, frightened to express any kind of opinion. : Col. Wilhelm Klink: Then what's the bad news? Of course you are. Col. Robert E. Hogan: They *shot* Holtz trying to escape- you're next! Andrew Carter: Where do we take it apart? Sensational. Col. Wilhelm Klink: An award? Cpl. Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: It's a lot better than if he saw him lying in the sack goldbricking. *You* be the judge what's *important*! Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, Major Hochstetter. Col. Robert E. Hogan: If Carter's bombs don't do it, we may have to poison that bridge. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, do not try to explain this incident to him. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [as German general] Take this man's name, Putzi! Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan, you don't understand. : : Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [Zagoskin hands him his notebook] Until I clear you, you will please stop inventing. Bob Crane starred as Colonel Robert E. Hogan, coor. Colonel Hauptmann is a very lucky man. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is this man doing here? Sgt. I have? : Hans Georg Schultz: Don't they drink tea in France? The moonlight- it's beautiful on the laundry or the bakery. What does he look like? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, that's the way I picture him. Andrew Carter: [dressed as Klink] Maybe you better run through it once more. Hans Georg Schultz: Colonel Hogan, he said a terrible thing to you! Mouth stuffed with cotton wool! Col. Wilhelm Klink: I have been working on him, Herr General. Col. Robert E. Hogan: They were going into town for a very good reason. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: [reading the plan] Amazing. General von Rauscher I will be here every single day until I find these men. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. I will give you any information that I have. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Some of the gang back in Berlin. : Firing? Col. Robert E. Hogan: All right. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You give a birthday party for a prisoner? Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13 Happy Birthday, Adolf The Gold Rush Hello, Zollie It Takes a Thief. Harold J Stone and Howard Caine make the believable and entertaining. Hans Georg Schultz: What do you think? General von Rauscher: Are you aware that I am in charge of this project, and that this is the inventor? You can depend on me. Hochstetter, I am in charge of this project. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [talking about the show for Klink] All right, now, the main thing is to keep them entertained till the job is done. But you were here. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Alright, here it is. | You obviously worked hard on this plan, Klink. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [trying to find the three scientist] I'll send to headquarters in Hammelburg. Quote: You'll assist escaping prisoners, cooperate with all friendly forces, and use every means to harass and injure the enemy. Hogan: [Hogan and Newkirk pose as German officers in a Nazi building] Take this man's name down, have him transferred to the Russian front! Back, back, all of you. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [does so] Sorry, general. We don't want our audience walking out on us. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. It always sounded like Schultz was just clearing his throat. [everyone except Hogan continues to shout and sing]. Col. Wilhelm Klink: The men responsible for this will be confined to barracks for two weeks. Sgt. Peter Newkirk: Where are we going to hide a tank? Official Sites Schultz: Me send for you? Quiet you blithering idiot, I'm trying to think! Newkirk: Oh no, must be half past ten by now. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Carry on, but quietly, I have lots of work to do. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Ahhh. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, you have nothing to worry about, sir. [Sgt. For me? Sardines? Now that you all know it [Schultz leaves and then re-enters the room]. Are you expecting any warm clothing? Call the general, sir. Sgt. And it makes me feel good all over. Pleasure, No. Peter Newkirk: [as Humphrey Bogart] Then droppen sie dead. Hans Georg Schultz: [after failure to keep a straight face] I wasn't talking about you, Herr Commandant. General von Rauscher [repeated line, whenever Col. Hogans shows up] Colonel Klink: [to Burkhalter, over the radio, about the party] I'm only sorry there is no ice cream. Cpl. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Isn't it about time you found out. Sgt. You are undermining my confidence. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [draws gun, pointing it to LeBeau's head] Take your choice, huh: waltz, foxtrot, or shot as an escaping prisoner. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [the men are planting flowers] I was not aware that you were such a nature lover. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, how is it that you get so much more pleasure out of seeing me than I do out of seeing you? I want you to give that a lot of thought on your way to the Eastern Front. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is it at your camp, Klink? Back, back, all of you. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, you meant the lady in the red dress, and she has been eating steadily for an hour and a half. Col. Robert E. Hogan Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Did you hear me? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Of course not! Obviously, it's not the code. What is it? What is this man doing here? Hogan: [pointing at officer] This man is to be court martialed and *shot!*. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Of course, we could give you the time to think it over in a special cell we have. Rate this quote: 0.0 / 0 votes 207 Views Share your thoughts on this Hogan's Heroes's quote with the community: 0 Comments Notify me of new comments via email. Take that paper out of your mouth. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Thank you, General Burkhalter. : Col. Robert E. Hogan: Because you could fly or because you were bald? Sgt. Even that will not discourage me. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter What is going on there? See also Col. Wilhelm Klink: Exactly what I was going to say, sir. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Well, it's true, we dug the tunnel and tried to escape. In the middle of World War II you give yourself a birthday party? Col. Wilhelm Klink: What do you think my faults are? | No, wait a minute. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You may come and go as you please, Kommandant. Col. Wilhelm Klink: But why should that responsibility fall upon me? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Why not? [Carter's attempts to manufacture explosives destroys one of the tunnels]. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Colonel Hogan, just tell me this. What is going on there? Carter: [answers the phone in a mock-German accent] I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Did you hear that, Schultz? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Klink. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Shultz, impersonating a Wermacht General, has run off a pair of Gestapo men attempting to search the flat of LeBeau's artist friend who will forge the replacement of the painting. Col. Wilhelm Klink: If you knew which wire it was, why did you ask me? Colonel Klink: I will thank him the next time I see him, huh? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Then, if you still won't talk, you will be starved, tortured and then shot. Sgt. Mental fitness, that's another. In future, to avoid confusion, why don't you just say 'Good Morning' in English? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Let's get our prisoner first. Having to relay orders of a man like that. That *is* bigger than a piano. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is this bungler doing here? Col. Robert E. Hogan: It's going to be the only bridge in the world with a built-in bomb. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: We are here on a rather delicate matter - internal service politics. Colonel Klink: Glad to have you with us, Captain. Hogan:"Last night I dreamt Schultz ate all the dynamites." LeBeau:"With him that's possible." Klink:"I can smell the sauerbraten. Are you aware that I am in charge of this project, and that this is the inventor? General von Rauscher: She is my interpreter, Hochstetter. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Confidentially, I've never seen a Gestapo man that could. 'Achtung' is a command. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, this is so degrading. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Witness? Sgt. Now, I know what you're thinking - I'm a writer; why don't I write it myself?