And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.25.Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.26.Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?27.How is it possible to have a civil war?28.War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower-class men off to die.29.Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.30.Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. Get curated quotes straight into your inbox before everyone else! What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. Show more. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Login Sign Up. Whats the matter with you? Documentary, Comedy, 1984. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? Wishing you all the best in your 60th Birthday. 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. Weve added years to life, not life to years.16.Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.17.When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. George Carlin Quotes. Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! (function(){var g=this,h=function(b,d){var a=b.split(". I'm not just 68. Cars are a fairly unpleasant thing to have to draw. I don't give a shit! A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. Happy 60th Birthday! Age, Pay, Hell. "The planet is fine. Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Electricity is really just organized lightning. Mickey Mouse's birthday being announced on the television news as if it were an actual event! Do you get on before you get on? People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?, Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it., Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible manliving in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. Thank you! When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? That's exactly what I want you to think. George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes Quotes & Sayings . Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? No money to be made off of the homeless. ":"&")+"url="+encodeURIComponent(b)),f.setRequestHeader("Content-Type","application/x-www-form-urlencoded"),f.send(a))}}},s=function(){var b={},d=document.getElementsByTagName("IMG");if(0==d.length)return{};var a=d[0];if(! Fewer Texans. 125 George Carlin Quotes. When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse. To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. - George Carlin. On your birthday, I just want to remind you that you are the best person I have ever met in my whole life. CBS / Landov "Weather tonight: dark. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. There's no present. I love individuals. You don't. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong., Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?, The reason I talk to myself is that Im the only one whose answers I accept., When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it? More, by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:42 pm, Do that every single day, and soon you have a wall, In this video, Will Smith delivers an inspiring speechdiscussing a lesson he learned while working for his fathers construction business. Don't look for it. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. Every passing year brings in an experience and a hope for tomorrow. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. It is a celebration of someone that is loved and greatly admired. What does it mean to pre-board? This post is not only a celebration to everything he stood for, but a reminder that some of the most powerful messages we receive in life can come from the most unlikely places. Share with your friends. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Get inspired by these Robin Williams Quotes. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. 33. It always has been. There are some secrets we keep because we can't bear to let them out and some because it's better to keep them in. I will never be able to forget the support that you have given me. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. (e in b)&&0
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These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.45.I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam.46.I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.47.Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced military and civilian radar operators.>>. George Carlin (2015). They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.9.Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? May you have a delicious and partylicious birthday! He loves you. The experiment raised a [] More, by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:36 pm. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? "Men are from Earth . Goofy would be a good name for this planet. I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. 2013 likes. 86 Copy quote. George Carlin's Most Humorous and Influential Quotes. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. It is time to party! We know that everyone loves a great quote and our mission here is simple to be the best and most interesting quote site in the world! George Carlin. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. Im Alice Judy and AnQuotes is a fun hobby for me. I just dont have as many people who believe it.43.The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. George Carlinis well known for his profoundly funny and provocative quotes and one-liners. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. George Carlin. Ally Carter. But he loves you. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.50.Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.51.I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?52.May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.53.Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.54.If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead.55.People are wonderful one at a time. Top 10 George Carlin Quotes. You have owners. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. It's your birthday! Dwayne The Rock Johnsons inspiring speech about how high school teacher Jody Swick changed his life. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat., You know an odd feeling? Tweet. Every table had an argument going. Happy 60th Birthday! Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Happy 60th Birthday! //]]>, by Quotezine Team November 3, 2013, 10:53 pm. Teach them to question what they read. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. The challenge is to find it. May your smile get brighter with each passing year. You are just turning 20 for the third time. Oftentimes, tasks can sometimes [] More, 99% of passengers couldnt identify this world class musician, Joshua Bell, a world class violinist, decides to play the violin for 45 minutes in a busy train station. Georges words and his life are revered in more ways than one. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Then you're just what they're looking for. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. Happy Birthday! At 68 I'm every age I ever was. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. Live album by George Carlin, 1988. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. May you have a delicious and partylicious birthday! There's no present. - George Carlin. I think your value is priceless. This couldnt be more evident when he said: I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.. George Carlin. Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute("id","ad25fff6afc452fed4d50cd58278ff8c");document.getElementById("i20ae56af4").setAttribute("id","comment"); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. He would cover any issue no matter how contentious in a way that felt authentic and in line with his personal beliefs.